Babies, babies and more babies!!!

Have you noticed that it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant right now? Goodness gracious, I could tell you 10 just off the top of my head! I am sure happy to report that there are going to be three new babies in our family this year, one from every side of Albert and my square of family members, except my Mom's (thank God, there isn't anyone on that side that needs a baby right now!) Steve, my oldest cousin on my Dad's side and his wife Kate are expecting a baby girl in April; Laura, Albert's oldest girl cousin on his Mom's side and her husband Mark are expecting a baby in October (sex still unknown;) Scottie, Albert's cousin on his Dad's side and his Fiance' Alisha are expecting a baby girl in March! Wow, I am so excited for Alee and Ashlee to have some cousins, even if they are all second cousins! They already have one real cousin, Abigail and one second cousin, Hailee, but the bigger the family the better the family! Although, it is beginning to look like both the Nass and the Bremkamp names will be ending with this generation, at least as of now. Here's hoping for a boy one of these days.

Boobies and Bottles

I am tired, yet I am sitting here writing this blog. What is the matter with me? I am starting to find less and less time for myself as Ashlee gets bigger and starts to do more things. I guess I forgot about that part of the growth process. LOL! Although, she has been increasingly fussy. Not like she is sick, but she is frustrated and hungry. All she wants to do it eat, she wants to nurse all day, but with 5 teeth new teeth and learning how to use those chompers, nursing has started to become an issue. It isn't just the teeth, it is her hands! She wants to pinch and pull, i try to hold her hands but that just pisses her off. I didn't have these problems with Alee, she weaned herself from me at almost exactly 6 months, with the one feeding in the middle of the night (which I stopped at 8 months since she had yet to sleep through the night until I did so.) Alee also drank from a bottle starting pretty much when she was born because of latching issues, not Ashlee, she hates the bottle and I can count on one hand the amount of bottles she has actually taken. So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want what is best for Ashlee, but I also want what is best for me. I know plenty of people who bottle feed their kids, I was one of them with Alee after 6 months, my brother was bottle fed and soo many of my friends' babes were/are too, so I am not sure why I am feeling the way that I am about quitting nursing. I bought formula for the first time today, I cried about that decision. Part of that decision was due to the fact that Butters is so small, don't get me wrong, she always has been, but I don't know. I tried to give her a bottle and all she did was scream, she finally took like 3 good chugs and was DONE! She was so pissed when she had realized what she had just done. She screamed and boo hooed. I ended up just nursing her and she fell asleep. I don't intend on quitting nursing all together, at least not yet, one or two bottles a day max. It isn't looking like she is going to allow that right now. 

I know it sounds crazy, but with all of  this, I am feeling like such a failure. It is so hard for me to put my thoughts into words, I just can't explain. Bla... I guess I should just go to bed. Maybe a good night's sleep will give me some clarity.

Nighty Night.

Time

What a week! So many things have happened, I don't even know where to start, here are some highlights
-Albert has lost upwards of 15 pounds
-Ashlee says "dada", craws (for the most part, sometimes it is still easier to worm,) pulls herself up to a standing position on everything and as I type this she is attempting to cruise the side of the table.
-No news with Alee except for the fact that every day she isn't in school the more I realize how much she needed to be in Kindergarten this year.
Time is flying by, Ashlee had her 8 month birthday on Wednesday and I couldn't help but mourn the loss of her infancy. She is still a baby, I know that, but she is starting to need me less and less. This week was proof of that. She still oves a good cuddle and would prefer to fall asleep in her Mommy's arms than anything else, but it is still sad. Don't even get me started on Alee. I took the memory card out of my camera the other day and saw some really old pictures on my internal memory that i had forgotten about. Alee in diapers, Alee in onesies. I nearly cried. She is 5 and I can't for the life of me figure out where the time went. She is sich a big girl now, a big sister, an individual, a gamer(not anything in wanted her to be, but what can you do, ) a Daddy's girl. **sigh**
For once, I am excited to go home and clean! I decided to let Ashlee grow up a bit and purchased her crib. Her bassinette was getting a little small for her, but since she is mini it wasn't really an issue. I am busy tracking down the finishing touches to her crib set, red ladybugs. Go figure, right? lol

Mom's birthday is coming up next Friday! I ordered her gift and have to pick it up one day this week. I won't go into detail in what it is, since she is probably reading this "secretly." Love you Mom.

Decisions, Decisions

Ok, so I am like the WORST person ever when it comes to decision making. I find it so hard to make even the easiest decisions, even if that is where to go for dinner. So, when I actually have to make a semi-important like buying a new digital camera, or wether to get a new digital camcorder or a new digital camera, I will sit here and stew over it, lose sleep over it, think on it constantly and probably have buyers remorse over it for a few days. Even as I am sitting here writing about this I am debating, deliberating, contemplating, weighing my options and mulling it over 

Some people would make a pro-con list, but I find that I am, in fact so bad at making decisions my lists tend to be pretty dead even, simply because my screwed up brain has to find something for each column. I swear, I must have been dropped pn my head as a baby or something because no matter how hard I try, I can't make the thing between my ears work properly. What to do, what to do...

I will probably end up with the digital camera, not the camcorder. Although, it would be nice to just have one of the camcorders that make DVD's right away, although the downside to that is that I can't put them directly online. SEE! I didn't even mean to do it, I was just typing a thought and there it was.
I am sleep deprived. Maybe catching up on Z's will clear my cloudy brain and everything will be clear in the AM. Doubtful, but I can always hope.
Till tomorrow....

Hell In a Handbasket!

So, I originally started writing about something totally different, but my Mom called to talk to me about something that happened at my little brother's Middle School today. That conversation really got me thinking and to be quite honest, it really freaked me out too....freaked about the future. So, these two girls (13 years old or so) that Christopher is friends with got into a FIST FIGHT in the middle of their English classroom! This fight was apparently so bad the teached as standing there in tears because there was nothing she could do to break them up, blood was drawn and at one point one of the girls was kicking the other in the stomach. The office was called, but they couldn't get there fast enough. I am totally and 100% appalled at America's youth. The disrespect, the attitudes, the oblivion to the world or the feelings of others around them. Discusting. Have you seen the latest story about bullying? (Link)A girl from Ireland's family move here so she can get an "experience America," instead... she killed herself because some little pieces of garbage treated her like crap becuase she started dating a Senior football player. These girls even taunted her after her death on the facebook page her friends created for her in her memory! Who/where are these girls' parents?
I love my daughters, but if those girls were my children, I would walk them to the police station, and tell the cops to lock em up. I pray to God that He makes me a good enough parent to teach my girls RIGHT from WRONG, COMPASSION, WISDOM and LOVE! I am completly terrified for my girls to get older. Not because I am afraid that they will treat someone badly, becuase like I said before, I have faith that God will teach me to be a strong enough parent to teach them how to treat people, but becuase I am afraid of society! I am afraid of everyone else who DOESN'T /WON'T teach their children the fundamentals of human decency!
When I was a kid, people were mean. I was treated like crap in middle school, maybe I  was mean to someone, maybe I made someone feel terrible, if I did I probably didn't even know I was doing it. For this, I feel terrible. The things that people say to one another these days is just disgraceful! I won't even go into the awful things those girls in Christopher's class said to one another today! If things are this different 10 years after I graduated from High School, what are they going to be like another 10 years from now?

Come on, America! You should be ashamed of yourself!!

Just One of the Many...

How do people develop the ability to let things roll off of their backs? I really do envy those floks, seeing as how I pretty much let anything and everything get to me in some way or another. I want so badly to see jacked up things happening and not let anything about said jacked up situation get to me in any way shape or form. Yeah right! I pretty much do the exact opposite of that on a day to day basis. I also have a little something called a "savior complex, " which I believe also stems from the before mentioned disorder. I don't think that there is anything REALLY wrong with either one of those two things, but when they are in any way involved with "Annie B." it seems like my life and the problem become totally meshed together into one big ball of drama and emotions. Ugh. I just want everyone to be happy and to fix the world's problems one f*#%ed up situation at a time, but the thing that I seem to always forget is that I need to fix all of he million problems in my own life. "Want in one hand, crap in the other and see which one fills up faster" says Al B. He is right, of course, but he doesn't need to know that.

A New Year, a New Idea

Today, I was on my Facebook. Doing nothing of any kind of importance, as always, looking through postings, when I can upon Ashleigh's blog update. I had been thinking about stating a blog, but for some reason I have never goten around to it...laziness I suspect. ANYWHO, I decided to take the plunge into online "diary" writing. I figurem this isn't mecessairly a bad idea. There is a lot of crap that goes on in my life that I just mostly keep to myself, mostly becuase I don't want to bother anyonw with my "issuses" or whatnot, so maybe writing things out will help with everyday stresses and things of that nature. I already know that 2010 is going to be a big year for the Bremkamp household. I don't want to go into too much detail there, mostly becuase I don't want to sound any alarms, and cause an uproar just yet, but I know that changes are coming. Changes are already in the works. We'll see. Here's to brighter days ahead!

More tomorrow...maybe not...but probably.